How do you handle conflict in leadership or in your role as a business owner or executive? If you’re expecting someone to respond in a specific way, especially in a leadership or team setting, but they choose a different, unwanted response, what do you do?
You might respond with anger and frustration.
You spend a lot of time thinking about how unfair or unreasonable the other person is being. And the more you think about it, the angrier you get. Suddenly, you’re less productive and probably not in the best mood.
When you find yourself in these situations, the most important thing you have is your power. The power to choose, not the outcome, but how you face adversity.
When You’re Stuck in Frustration, You’re Not Leading
It’s easy to get locked into anger, which is really just disappointment that the outcome you wanted isn’t unfolding the way you’d hoped. It’s almost like the adult version of a temper tantrum.
The key to not letting things spiral out of control? You need to accept what’s happening.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what’s happening, but that you acknowledge this is the path the other party has chosen. It means you have a deep inner confidence that you can weather any storm. AND, as I’m sure you already know, this is much easier said than done.
Here are some tips I often use in executive coaching and leadership development work to navigate these types of situations:
1. Pause before taking action.
Anger, frustration, and disappointment are dangerous because they limit your ability to see options. You tend to dig your heels in and fight vs finding an easier path forward. Always take a breath before responding. This step is the most important way out of frustration and into a solution.
2. Find an outlet for your anger and frustration.
Recognize when you’re trapped in lower-level emotions and find small ways to shift out of them. Research has shown that writing for 20 minutes for 3 consecutive days helps you move past disappointment. Exercise, meditation, and music also help. Keep a list of productive things you can do in your planner or on your phone. Refer to this list when you find yourself stewing. You’ll be amazed how quickly taking action can shift your mood.
3. Consider your past.
What healthy ways have you released tension in the past? Were they effective? Past lessons can remind you how you solved previous problems and what didn’t work. Learning from past experiences reminds you there are options and keeps you from feeling stuck. Time to pull out your list (see #2).
4. Get input from your team or trusted advisors.
When you’re too close to a situation, your judgment can get clouded by emotion. Ask your team for ideas on how to navigate this time. They might see a middle ground or highlight something you missed. This helps you make better decisions and shows your team you value collaboration, making finding a solution easier.
When you spend longer than necessary in anger and frustration in leadership or business settings, you’re letting the other side win. Not because they’ll come out ahead, but because you’re giving energy to them and not your business.
Great leaders don’t attach to outcomes. They bravely navigate challenges as they arise because they trust that new and potentially better opportunities will appear. And they know they’ll miss them if they’re too busy being distracted by frustration.
How do you choose to wield your power when facing adversity in your leadership role?
How can you use these steps to move yourself out of frustration and into a solution?